Turn Back Time
by Gem6
Summary: Claire's feeling and sadness after she has told John who she really is. Please read and review! FINISHED!
1. Default Chapter

Claire still remembered as clearly as if it was yesterday but it wasn't it was just over two months ago.  
  
"There so now you know" Claire sobbed John wasn't crying but Claire could see the anger and the pain in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I ... didn't ... want you to hate me" John got up and walked out of the room  
  
"Where are you going? John please say something" Claire begged him tears streaming down her face. John didn't look back as he slammed he front door after him and ran down the street, he didn't know where he was going.  
  
Back inside the house Claire was curled up in the chair crying like there was no tomorrow. Claire had been the first one in the office the next day having stayed up all night waiting for John to come back. She was sat at her desk that morning when John walked in ...late.  
  
Claire could see just by looking at John that he had been crying, his eyes were puffy and red, his face was blotchy. She instantly wondered where he had spent the night for he sure as hell hadn't been back to his flat. During the day Claire watched John converse with Don several times but he wouldn't make eye contact with her.  
  
Every time she tried to speak to him he ignored her or brushed past her. Eventually Claire gave up and got on with her work. She worked steadily all through her lunch hour so she could leave early  
  
That night as she sat alone, she began composing a letter to John:  
  
'Dear John, I don't know why you ran out or why you won't talk to me but I felt I had to be honest with you; after all we have been together for well over six months. I didn't tell you sooner because I knew you're best friends with Don and I didn't want him finding out, but now I guess I have no choice. Where did you go last night after you left mine? I know you didn't go to your flat I waited for you. This morning you looked awful I know you've been crying, you can't deny it and I think the rest of the office noticed too. I told you because I know you already think I'm cheating on you, I could never do that to you I love you too much to hurt you. But know you hate me and for that I'm deeply sorry. You needed to know the 'real' me and why I've been sneaking around, that night you followed me and saw me talking to that man in the alley that was my CIB Boss, not some married guy I'd been having an affair with. I swore to myself that when you walked out that door I didn't care but darling I lost everything then and there. Words are like weapons they wound sometimes, I didn't really mean to hurt you, I didn't wanna see you go I know I made you cry but baby if I could turn back time, if I could find a way, I'd take back those words that'll hurt you and you'd stay. I owe you everything John all my happiness, please don't shatter my world. I love you with all my heart.  
  
Yours forever Claire xx'  
  
I put the letter in an envelope and sealed it, I wrote John's name on it and set off for his flat. I reached his flat and had second thoughts, should I stick it through his letterbox or not?  
  
In the end I just decided to do it, so I did. I put the letter through his letterbox and hurried home. Claire thought about John and Don, she wondered whether John had told him, she figured she'd find out at work tomorrow and decided to stop pondering on it. Settling down on the sofa she flicked the television on and it landed on a romantic film. Claire watched it for about half an hour before bursting into tears, as the film got slushy.  
  
*Over at John's flat*  
  
John had seen Claire enter the block of flats and had guessed she was coming up here. Going through to the hall he picked up the envelope ripping it open he stood and read the letter "It doesn't change anything Claire, you still lied to me," He said out loud "But I'm not who I say I am either, you just don't know it yet" John said as an afterthought Walking through to the lounge his hand hovered over the telephone, but he decided against it, he would make her sweat and beg a bit more. He still hadn't decided whether or not to tell Don and the rest of the office who she really was.  
  
*Back at Claire's*  
  
Claire wondered if John had read her letter yet, she knew he was at home she could hear the television in the lounge. She sighed, and turned off the television, no use watching a film that was making her cry, she went to bed instead. In the bedroom, Claire was getting changed, when a thought hit her: 'What if John had told Don who she really was?' This could mean not only the end of her career but possibly the end of her life too. She knew Don had a lot of dangerous friends and acquaintances, especially one Pedro Escaroda. Claire remembered one colleague she used to work with, Christie Martendale who had lost her life when the guy she was tracing found out who she was and had her murdered. She desperately prayed that this wasn't going to happen, she didn't want to die just yet.  
  
Claire had her life mapped out in front of her: once she had nailed Beech, she was quitting CIB and applying to join SunHill permanently, by the time she was 35 she wanted to have her own house with a garden, two kids and a dog called Rover all with John if possible. She finished getting ready for bed and clambered in. five minutes later she was crying again The bed seemed so empty just this time yesterday her and John were lying entwined in each other's arms Claire cried and cried and cried, eventually she cried her self to sleep only it wasn't a peaceful slumber instead she was being chased by dragons all looking like John About four hours later she awoke again covered in sweat, rolling over she looked at her alarm clock, it read 5.30.  
  
Sighing she got up no point trying to go back to bed, she only had half an hour until she had to get up anyway. Getting in the shower she thought about headed over to the park, she knew John would be taking his morning run and she wanted to talk to him, find out if he had read her letter.  
  
She rummaged in her drawer for her tracksuit bottoms and put them on. She hung about downstairs until 6am when she knew John would be heading out for his run. At 5 past 6 Claire left the house and jogged down the road in the general direction of Canley Fields. 


	2. Chapter 2

This is for Ellie R, Meegan Boulton, and especially Lightning Wolf. Thanks for your reviews guys it means a lot to me!  
  
By twenty past six Claire had reached Canley Fields and had settled down on a bench enjoying the early morning sunshine. John had seen Claire as soon as he entered the park, not wanting to have her follow him, he turned around and decided to run the streets and back alleys of Canley.  
  
An hour later and Claire was losing hope of seeing John so she caught the bus back home. Glancing at the clock in the kitchen, she realised she had to be at work in fifteen minutes.  
  
Dashing upstairs, she leapt in the shower for the second time that morning and pulled out her black trouser suit with the sky blue top. Grabbing a handful of hairpins, she rushed downstairs, pulled her mobile, keys and coat off the hall table and ran out to her car.  
  
10 to 8 Claire entered the office, Don smirked at her. She had no make up on, her hair hadn't been brushed and her top was buttoned up wrong.  
  
"Claire, you're late!" Deakin called  
  
"I know!" Claire shot back  
  
"Make sure you mark it down"  
  
Claire let out an exasperated sigh "Guv"  
  
She dumped her stuff unceremoniously on her desk and glared at Don who was trying hard not to laugh.  
  
"Late night then Sarge?" Chirped Kerry brightly  
  
"Something like that" Claire growled as she sat down and buttoned her shirt properly . About an hour later, Claire had just finished doing her make up when Don sidled up to her  
  
"I know"  
  
"You do?" Claire's heart sank, John had told Don who she was.  
  
"Yeah John told me"  
  
"And you're alright with it?"  
  
"Alright with it?" Don repeated, "I'm sad to hear you've broken up, you two were a match made in heaven"  
  
Claire smiled "Thanks Don"  
  
"I hope you work it out soon"  
  
Claire let out a big sigh of relief; John hadn't told Don who she really was after all. Ambling over to the kettle she flicked the switch: "Anyone for coffee?" She called  
  
Kerry was on the phone but she signalled she wanted one anyway, John didn't answer.  
  
Claire made three coffees; she left one on Kerry's desk, dumped one on John's and sat at her desk with her coffee.  
  
The rest of the day passed uneventfully and Claire often pondered on why John didn't tell Don who she really was.  
  
Half past seven that evening, Claire was on her way home when she met John at the top of the stairs.  
  
"You didn't tell Don who I really am, why?"  
  
"Because I respect you too much and I didn't want another murder added to the list" John replied, making eye contact with Claire before hurrying off.  
  
The last comment puzzled Claire, why did he say that? What does it mean? As she slowly made her way home she pondered on it and to this day just over two months later it still bothers her.  
  
I didn't want another murder added to the list" Claire said out loud  
  
"What's that Sarge?" Rumbled Duncan  
  
"Oh nothing Dunc, don't worry"  
  
Claire wrote the sentence on a piece of paper and mixed the words around until she came up with:  
  
'I added another murder to the list'  
  
"I've got it" Claire almost yelled  
  
"You alright Sarge?" Duncan queried  
  
"Yes! I think I've just worked out the meaning of something someone said to me about a month ago"  
  
"Right.." Duncan replied rolling his eyes 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This is for all my loyal fans, I can't believe I forgot to put this one up, so just for that you get 2 chapters :D  
  
John had gone out on a case with Kerry so I couldn't ask him if I was right. I thought about leaving him a note on his desk but I had second thoughts about that incase Beech found the note instead. In the end, I decided to wait for John to return and speak face to face with him. I tried to get on with my case papers but I frequently found myself clock-watching. In a desperate attempt to stop myself clock- watching, I logged onto the Internet and checked my emails. There was one from Hodges, which I obviously couldn't open, One from Kerry, obviously sent from her mobile which read:  
  
'Hiya Claire, Just about ready to kill Bulldog, apparently it's my fault the suspect got away. I can't exactly help it if the suspect goes out the back entrance that Bulldog was supposed to be guarding. Hope your afternoon is better Kez x'  
  
I smiled, it sounded like Kerry was having a rough time. My final email was from my sister Eilleen, which read:  
  
'Big sis' Don't forget the partay on Friday. Please bring that gorgeous fella of yours too, invite Kerry as well if you like. See you 7 sharp. Lil' Leeny'  
  
I sighed not really wanting to go but I had promised Eilleen I would. Clicking on 'Compose Message' I wrote a quick one to Kerry:  
  
'Kez, Party Friday nite, wanna come? Claire x'  
  
Within minutes a reply came back: 'Who's party and can I bring Mickey?'  
  
I sent one back:  
  
'Eilleen's, yeah bring Micks'  
  
I decided I needed to speak to John about his bullying Kerry, its not Kerry he's angry at, it's me and it's not fair to take it out on Kerry.  
  
Half an hour later John and Kerry came back  
  
"Claire tell 'Leen' I'm coming, I'll tell Mick later"  
  
I winked at Kerry before turning to John  
  
"Boulton" I said sharply to get his attention, once he was looking at me I carried on:  
  
"You gotta stop picking on the younger members of this department, they're not there to blame for your mistakes"  
  
"Yeah they are, they're for doing the shit we are too good for"  
  
"Our D.C's are as much equal members of this department as we are" I growled aware that Duncan was listening.  
  
"Yeah right"  
  
I could see the anger sparking in John's eyes and I knew I was treading in dangerous territory, when John went into a rage there was no telling what he would do.  
  
"You can't blame Kerry for not catching your suspect, she was behind him for gods sake! Quite frankly it was you that fucked up not Kerry so I think she's deserves an apology" I was almost shouting now, I was so worked up.  
  
The anger in John's eyes was on fire, I wondered what he was going to do.  
  
I realised as he advanced towards Kerry, he was going to attack her. I leapt up and stood between him and Kerry.  
  
"Kerry get back" I warned, watching him advance on me. I was starting to get a bit scared now; John had never taken his anger out on me.  
  
As he got close to me he growled:  
  
"Vicious little bitch aren't you"  
  
Then he hit me!- he slapped me hard across the face. The whole office gasped including me as I raised my hand to my face gingerly.  
  
We all watched John walk out of the office and down the hall. Suddenly I heard a voice say:  
  
"Not gonna stand for that are you?"  
  
I strode after John and spun him around:  
  
"You don't hit me and get away with it"  
  
I slapped him back twice as hard before kneeing him in the balls for good measure.  
  
As he limped away from me, I yelled:  
  
"Got yourself a new reputation now, as the SunHill woman beater!" " You hit your own girlfriend" I added sadly a minute later.  
  
I held my head high as I entered the office again, even though my face hurt like hell. I managed to hold in the tears until I got to my desk, where I collapsed in a flood of tears.  
  
I slumped over my desk, my head resting on my arms.  
  
"Claire?" Kerry said quietly  
  
I didn't look up as I didn't want the whole office to see my cry.  
  
I jumped involuntarily as Kerry knelt down beside me and put her arms around me.  
  
"I guess this means you two've split up now then?" Kerry asked gently  
  
I looked up at Kerry and smiled sadly  
  
"We split up about two months ago Kez" I said quietly  
  
"And you didn't tell me?" Kerry said sounding hurt  
  
"I'm sorry Kerry but we were working through it. I'll tell you before the party Friday because most of them know what I told John"  
  
"Everyone else knows?"  
  
"They don't know we split up, but the know who I really am. I couldn't tell you who I really am but now my life may be in danger"  
  
"Don't worry about it now" Kerry said reassuringly  
  
"I can't believe John hit me"  
  
"I wouldn't have expected John to hit a woman"  
  
"I drove him to it, I pushed him too far and he had no choice but to hit me. I channelled his anger at me and I have to pay the price" I sighed. John's reputation would never recover from this. 


	4. Chapter 4

"You can't blame yourself for him hitting you, John didn't have to do it. It just shows what kind of bloke he really is; you're better off without him" Kerry said  
  
I started to reply but I was interrupted by the DCI:  
  
"Claire? Why have I got an injured John Boulton in my office?"  
  
I opened my mouth to speak but I was cut off again by Meadows:  
  
"My office, come on"  
  
I got up and followed Meadows to his office where I found John sat hunched up. I closed the door behind me and sat in the chair Jack offered.  
  
"Now, what's going on Claire? John here won't say anything"  
  
I smiled, I had befriended John about three days after I first started work here, most of the office thought I was out to sleep with him and he told me himself he thought I was trying to make a fool of him.  
  
I'll admit I fancied him, but I only really wanted to offer him a friend, a true friend who he could turn to and yell and scream at. We spent more and more time together until one day John admitted he had fallen in love with me, we began dating and that's how we got to today.  
  
"Claire are you going to tell me or do I have to get Kerry in here as well?" the DCI's voice brought me out of my thoughts  
  
"Sorry Guv" I replied, "John had just come back into the office with Kerry, their suspect had got away. John was in a bad mood, blaming Kerry and himself. Anyway me and John got into an argument over him losing the suspect, we were both getting angry, John was close to going into a rage...."  
  
"And I..." John said suddenly cutting me off  
  
"Quiet John, Claire's speaking" Meadows said sharply  
  
"So he went out into the corridor to try and calm down, I was so wound up I went out there after John and..." I paused hoping it wouldn't sound quite as bad as it was "I slapped John hard around the face and kneed him in the 'crown jewels' I then went back to my desk leaving John in the corridor" I finished  
  
"How come you have been crying? Don't deny it, it's obvious"  
  
"I'd just had some bad news from my family" I saw John looking at me, studying me.  
  
"Do you need time off?" Meadows asked concerned  
  
"No, my family made it perfectly clear I wasn't wanted" I replied sadly  
  
"You two can go back to the office now, but I will want a word with you later Claire and you John" Jack said dismissing us  
  
I stood up and left the office John following behind me:  
  
"You didn't say anything?" John said questioning me  
  
"It's not worth it" I replied heading back into the office.  
  
The rest of the week passed quickly and John and I kept our distance from each other.  
  
Friday afternoon and Kerry was getting excited about Eilleen's party.  
  
I leant over Kerry's desk and spoke to her:  
  
"The party begins at seven so if you want to come over about six and I'll explain about me and John. You can get Mick to pick you up from my place or I can take you to Eilleen's"  
  
"Ok, I'll get Mickey to pick me up at half six"  
  
I ambled back to my desk and sat down, no sooner had I sat down then:  
  
"Claire?" Deakin poked his head around the door  
  
"Mmmm?" I really didn't want to have to get up again  
  
"Can I see you in here please"  
  
I sighed and got up following Deakin into his office, entering the office I saw John standing in the corner, I turned to walk back out  
  
"Claire, don't walk out" Deakin said sternly "Close the door and take a seat"  
  
"I'm alright here thanks" I snapped defiantly, leaning against the filing cabinet.  
  
Deakin sighed loudly, rolling his eyes before sitting in his chair.  
  
"I know you two have been avoiding each other since... well since Tuesday"  
  
I glared at him hoping he'd get to the point soon.  
  
"The point is, there's an atmosphere between you two and it's affecting the whole office, so either resolve the attitude here and now or one of you go home" Deakin finished looking at both of us  
  
"I'll go home" I announced brightly exiting the room.  
  
"What is going on between you two John? At one point Claire wouldn't have even dreamed of going home"  
  
I stood out of the way of the window, crouched down behind the door and listened, I heard John sit down which is unusual for him.  
  
"Me and Claire split up about two months ago, way before I hit her and it was over something no one else knows"  
  
There is not much we do know about Claire, Deakin thought  
  
"What I'm about to tell you Guv is classified information and it cold get a lot of people into serious trouble, especially Claire. It can't leave this room" John said looking at his superior  
  
"Go on" Deakin replied cautiously  
  
"Claire" John paused unsure of whether he should say it "Is CIB, she's marking someone in this office, I can't tell you who. Please don't tell anyone else Guv, if this information gets out it could get Claire killed"  
  
"Oh my god" Deakin breathed.  
  
I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder; I turned to see Jack Meadows stood there.  
  
"Ah Claire, what were you doing crouched outside the door?"  
  
"I was... erm... listening to John and the DI's conversation" I said turning bright red, I suddenly realised the door was open and John and the DI had heard my confession.  
  
I looked at John and our eyes met. I shook my head as I began to cry and ran out of the office.  
  
I heard John following me, calling my name.  
  
"Claire... please..."  
  
I got into my car and sped away wishing I had never told him, I saw John go back into the station as I left the yard. 


	5. Chapter 5

Back in Deakin's office  
  
"So Chris, what was so important between you and John that Claire had to eavesdrop?"  
  
John glared furiously at his DI, warning him not to tell  
  
"It was a personal matter of John's that's all Sir"  
  
Meadows nodded his head suspiciously and left the room.  
  
"Now John, you realise I'm legally required to suspend you and send you to a disciplinary hearing, because for your attack on another member of staff?"  
  
"I do Guv'" John replied  
  
"You know I'm also legally required to tell Mr Brownlow and Mannion what you told me about Claire?"  
  
John nodded sadly, this could be the end of his career, if it got out that he hit Claire.  
  
Deakin sighed before speaking again:  
  
"I'm not going to report you for hitting Claire, as far as I'm concerned it never happened- just sort it out between you two. And as for what you told me about Claire, that's gonna stay between us two, we never had this conversation right?"  
  
"Thank you Guv'" John said gratefully  
  
"You're both exceptional officers, and I don't want to lose either of you!"  
  
I pulled the car into the driveway and let myself in.  
  
I noticed it was ten to five so I decided to go for my shower now and then pick out what I was going to wear this evening.  
  
I got out of the shower and put on my silk bathrobe; opening my wardrobe I pulled out my Red, Black and Blue dresses. I tried each one on in turn, admiring myself in the mirror.  
  
I finally decided on my black dress with my gold sandals.  
  
My hair was to be piled high on top of my head, I found my black and gold studded shawl and decided to use that as well.  
  
I put my robe back on as I heard the bell ring, opening the door I let Kerry in.  
  
She dropped her coat on the rail and sat down in the lounge.  
  
"Kerry, you need to promise not to tell anyone, what I'm about to tell you could get me killed if it gets out"  
  
"I promise"  
  
"I'm not just a normal CID officer, I'm also CIB and have been all my working life" I watched Kerry's face carefully  
  
"Ok..." She said slowly "Anyone else know? Who are you trailing?"  
  
"John knows obviously and now Deakin knows as well, I can't tell you who I'm trailing but its someone in the office, not you, John, Mickey or Dunc"  
  
"That would explain why you haven't got an extensive record on the Met Base, considering the time you've been in the force"  
  
"You've checked up on me then?"  
  
"Yeah..." Kerry was cut off by the bell ringing  
  
I got up hoping it wasn't John at the door, it wasn't it was Mickey.  
  
"Come through Mickey, she's in the lounge" I closed the door and followed Mickey into the lounge  
  
"You ready Kez?" Mickey asked  
  
"Sure, I'll meet you in the car" Kerry replied  
  
Mickey went off and got in the car while Kerry put on her coat  
  
"You're safe between me and John, Claire, John'll do anything to protect you"  
  
She wrapped her arms around me in a meaningful hug  
  
"See you tonight"  
  
Kerry just nodded and I closed the door behind her, looking at the clock I realised it was twenty to seven- I had five minutes to get dressed and get in the car.  
  
I took the stairs two at a time and managed to cut my arm on a screw:  
  
"Oh god damn it!" I yelled out in frustration  
  
I carried on into my room but I had to go and find a bandage from the bathroom to prevent the blood from ruining my dress.  
  
I found a conforming bandage in the cupboard and a gauze pad under the sink. Looking at my arm I noticed it was a deep laceration.  
  
I slapped the gauze pad on the laceration and wrapped the bandage tightly around my arm. 


	6. Chapter 6

I made sure the bandage was secure before going through to my room and putting my flesh coloured tights on.  
  
Stepping into my dress, I jumped as the phone rang,  
  
Snatching it off the cradle I practically yelled into the phone:  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Claire?"  
  
"Eilleen?" I said zipping up my dress  
  
"Where the hell are you, its 7.05"  
  
"Jesus Christ, sorry 'Leeny, I'll be there as soon as I can" I hung up and started to pin my hair high atop my head.  
  
I was going to enjoy myself tonight- without John! Maybe even get pissed.  
  
I finished pinning my hair and splashed some make-up on; I grabbed my shoes and shawl, did a quick spin in front of the mirror and dashed downstairs.  
  
I slipped on my shoes, adjusted my shawl, sprayed on some perfume and headed out to my car.  
  
I arrived at seven twenty, only twenty minutes late. I parked the car at the top of Eilleen's road and walked down purely because it was a nightmare trying to get a space outside her house.  
  
Knocking on the door I noticed I seemed to be the last to arrive.  
  
"I'm so sorry I'm late, something came up" I said waving my bandaged arm at Eilleen  
  
"What the hell have you done now?" Eilleen replied giving me a hug  
  
"A loose screw attacked me" I stated simply  
  
"Come through" Eilleen said opening the inside door for me.  
  
I could see Kerry and Mickey mingling, so I grabbed a glass of white wine and made my way over to them,  
  
Mickey saw me first:  
  
I laughed as his jaw dropped.  
  
"Never seen me in anything posh have you Mickey?"  
  
He had to literally pick his jaw up off the floor before he could reply:  
  
"Erm.... No Claire, I haven't... You look....... Stunning"  
  
"Who's stunning?" Kerry turned round and saw me "Oh hiya Claire, you look very gorgeous tonight"  
  
"Why thank you both of you"  
  
"Whoa, Claire what the hell happened to your arm?" Kerry exclaimed  
  
"A loose screw on the stair rail attacked me" I explained  
  
I gasped as Eilleen grabbed my hand and dragged me over to a group of people  
  
"Claire this is the head of Scotland Yard, Sir Stephen Moorcroft"  
  
My eyes widened in shock as I realised that this man had ultimate control over the Metropolitan Police  
  
"Claire Stanton Sir, DS Claire Stanton" I said extending a hand  
  
He shook my hand, a very firm handshake; I was awestruck, boring old me talking to Sir Stephen Moorcroft  
  
"Ah so you're Claire Stanton, I've heard a lot about you"  
  
"All good I hope Sir"  
  
"Drop the 'Sir' Claire, we're off duty"  
  
"All right then.... Stephen" I used his first name cautiously as he hadn't actually said call me 'Stephen'  
  
"Care to dance Claire?" Stephen said holding out his hand  
  
"Of course" I replied flirting a little, Stephen was so much younger and better looking than I had imagined  
  
"So Claire, I hear you work for CIB" Stephen said pulling me close to him as we began to Ballroom Dance  
  
"I do, its hard leading a double life but I'm used to it" I smiled  
  
"You're doing very well running the Beech case single handedly"  
  
I blushed aware that he was hitting on me  
  
Kerry strode over to the side of the room  
  
"What the hell are you doing here?" She hissed "Having a drink?!" John replied calmly, not once taking his eyes off Claire  
  
"Who invited you? I know for a fact Claire didn't"  
  
"I did" Eilleen said coming up beside John "And no Claire doesn't know"  
  
"'Leen, who's Claire dancing with?" Kerry asked curiously  
  
"Sir Stephen Moorcroft, Head of Scotland Yard"  
  
"Oh my god lucky cow!"  
  
"Bastard" John muttered "Look where his hands are"  
  
"You don't do that to some one you've just met" Kerry exclaimed  
  
All three watched in shock as Stephen moved his hand further down Claire back and leaned in to kiss her.  
  
Kerry gasped as Claire slapped Stephen and said loudly:  
  
"I've just split from someone I adored, I don't need you hitting on me. Go and find yourself some other slag to sleep with!"  
  
"Well said Claire" Eilleen said as I joined her and Kerry.  
  
"Pig wanted me to sleep with him, and I've only just met him" I shook my head in disgust  
  
"You might want to watch that snubbing me doesn't ruin your chances at promotion" Stephen growled as he walked past  
  
"Screw you Sir Stephen" I shot back loudly "What use is my career if I don't have the most important thing in my life?"  
  
"What is the most important thing?"  
  
"John is... or at least he was" I replied sadly 


	7. Chapter 7

"Really?" John said stepping out of the shadows

I didn't know whether to be happy or annoyed so I settled for throwing myself at him.

"Go on you two go and use the flat, you have a lot of talking to do" Eilleen said as her and Kerry wandered off leaving us alone.

We stood and hugged for a while, I breathed in the scent of John's lynx, god how I had missed him.

I smiled as John planted a soft kiss in my hair

John took my hand and we made our way to the flat at the back of the house, he let us in with keys that Eilleen had obviously slipped him.

I gasped as I entered the flat, lying on the table was the biggest bunch of white roses I had ever seen.

"Claire, these are to say sorry for hitting you" John said picking up the roses and handing them to me

"Oh John, they're beautiful" There were twelve pure white roses with a single red one in the centre and five sprigs of delicately coloured purple babies breath

"It's going to take a lot to make things right between us John," I said quietly looking out of the window

"I know, but it's a start right?" John said uncertainly

I turned to face him and looked at him closely- he was a sorry state, although he was done up in a tuxedo, you could tell he hadn't slept for days or brushed his hair properly

"I don't know John, I really don't know. I need to be sure you're not going to turn violent and hit me again"

John's eyes watered before he said:

"I'll get my coat then if you don't trust me"

"John you hit me, how am I meant to trust you?" I sighed, John was not thinking rationally and I wasn't getting through to him

"John listen to me" I took his hand and together we sat on the sofa "I love you more than the world, and I hate fighting with you, if you listen to me and we talk this through, hopefully we can get back together"

"Look Claire, I love you and I didn't mean to hit you, I was just so angry with myself, with Kerry and with you. It was my fault the suspect got away, I was facing the other way talking to the owner of the club, Kerry yelled out that he was running towards me, yet I still let him escape, I could have brought him down in one quick rugby dive but I didn't, I failed. I blamed Kerry, maybe if she'd have been quicker on her feet she'd have caught him but none of it was Kerry's fault it was all mine" John paused and took hold of my other hand:

"I'm glad you stepped in between me and Kerry, I'm not glad I hit you of course"

"It's a bloody good job I stepped in, because if you'd have hit Kerry, not only would Mickey have gone for you, she'd have had your ass out of the force quicker than you could've said sorry" I interrupted

"I've really messed up haven't I? I may lose my job, I've lost my reputation and I've lost you. I've failed, I'm a failure" John sighed, letting go of my hands and turning away.

I watched him for a few minutes before I realised he was crying

"John?... John look at me" I put my hand on his shoulder and pulled him towards me. I moved closer to him and wrapped my arms him. John snuggled into my arms, head resting on my shoulder like a child.

Author Note: I know Babies Breath is white but for the purpose of this story I needed it to be purple.

I am now back from my holiday and hopefully I should have more regular internet access.


	8. The End

"We all have bad days, we all lose suspects, remember when I got attacked, we both made bad decisions that day and I paid for it by ending up in hospital, but you went out and caught him purely because you were angry he had injured me, together we put him away for 20 years on an attempted murder charge, those are our good days. Today was a bad day and it happens sometimes, we just have to move on" I stopped to see if John was listening and he was, he looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back before looking at the clock:

"We'd better get some rest, it's half one already. We'll talk more in the morning""

"You take the bed, I'll take the couch" John said sitting up

"I will not have you sleeping on a cold couch, I think we are both old enough to sensibly share a bed don't you?"

John pulled me to my feet and into his arms; I rested my head on his shoulder and placed a soft kiss on his neck.

We went through to the bedroom where I sat on the edge of the bed and began to unpin my hair

"Uh, Claire, I'm gonna sleep on the couch tonight" John said before leaving me alone in the room

I got into bed in my underwear but I couldn't sleep, all I could hear was John restlessly moving around on the couch, half an hour later I got up:

"John?" There was total silence "I know you're awake, I could hear you moving"

"I didn't wake you did I?" John said worriedly

"No" I laughed "John come to bed, its freezing out here, you'll catch a cold and I'm lonely"

John sighed and heaved himself up from the couch.

I jumped back into bed while John stripped down into his boxers; under the covers my hand found John's and laced our fingers.

I jumped slightly as I felt John's arm around me pulling me close to him; I shifted over into his arms and nestled close to his body, my head resting on his chest, my arms around him. I smiled as John placed a light kiss on my forehead.

"Sleep tight"

"You too" and with that we drifted off to sleep tucked in each other's arms.

I awoke first later that day, I looked at John who was sound asleep with his hands under his head.

I carefully slipped out of bed not wanting to wake John, he needed to sleep properly if we were to talk rationally.

I jumped in the shower and found my overnight bag in the bathroom, this confused me as I hadn't brought it with me, still I didn't puzzle over it to much as I heard John stirring in the next room. I slipped on a skirt and my blue top and sat down in the arm chair next to the bed.

John was still fast asleep and I sat watching him for a long time.

About one o'clock John stirred and woke, stretching out an arm I saw the panic cross his face as he realised I wasn't in the bed

"It's alright, I'm here" I said softly

"Hey" A small smile crossed his face "How long you been there?"

"A couple of hours, sleep well?"

"Should've woken me"

"What and spoil the best nights sleep you've had in two months? Besides I like watching you sleep" I allowed John to pull me onto the bed

"You look happier this afternoon"

I smiled "Thanks, you look a lot better after sleeping properly"

"I think that was because you were with me"

"See I knew there was a reason why you couldn't stay on the couch"

"Little miss know it all"

"So?" I shot back mischievously

"So, I'm glad we're talking again"

"Me too" I nodded as I slipped my arm round John and pulled him close to me, I yawned subconsciously

"You're tired babe, go back to sleep"

"Only if you do as well"

"Alright! We'll both go back to sleep"

I slid under the covers and snuggled back into John's arms, I looked up at him as he looked down at me, our lips met in a delicate kiss.

We broke apart and John asked: "Together?"

"Never apart" I responded before kissing him again, this time a slow lingering kiss which said all the things that were unsaid between us.

I snuggled further down in the bed and closed my eyes.

I could tell John had slipped back into the realms of sleep, I waited a few more minutes before opening my eyes.

For three hours I lay and watched John sleep, I did a lot of thinking, I pondered on how to get over the fact that John had hurt me and how I couldn't trust him.

"What you thinking about?" A voice beside me brought me back to earth

"How I'm going to be able to trust you again mainly" I rolled over to look at John "The sparkle's back in your eyes, you must be feeling better"

"I'm on top of the world when ever you're in my arms" John replied

"So you should be I'm special" I shot back

"Yeah and you're all mine"

"Oh really? I think it's the other way around, I tamed you and calmed you, you're mine" I said cheekily.

The End

Author Note: There is a sequel planned as we still don't know what John meant when he said he's not who he says he is either, or what the cryptic message that John said to Claire means, not to sure when yet so keep your eyes peeled. I really need to get my life in order before I do any more writing, so I think you'll be waiting at least a month sorry guys!


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